My family and other animals or Why Exmoor Zoo needs a PG certificate

Blimey.  The summer holidays are taking their toll on my blogging.  How very dare they?! I am a morning blogger and a late night twitterer.  My mornings are temporarily not my own and late at night I am now either:

a) Too tired to lift the Macbook, let alone type

or

b) Watching Gabby’s Olympic round-up instead.

So my poor little blogs have been somewhat abandoned.  Last week was spent visiting great friends in Dorset, then Devon, then Dorset again.  The weather was patchy but we ventured forth to Exmoor Zoo on one of the days.  It was peeing it down when we got there but undeterred we wellied up and went in.  The animals were much more sensible and took refuge in their little hidey-holes but as the sun tiptoed out, so did they.  To shag.  Randy little buggers were at it all over the place.  First up were what look like supersized guinea pigs.  Apparently it’s their custom for the male to spray pee over the female then they do a copulation dance.  Sounded like a regular night out in Ibiza.  Then the gibbons were laying, legs akimbo and having a fastidious poke around of each others’ bits before nibbling on whatever they found.  Moving on, we set off to track down The Beast of Exmoor….we followed the trail of fascinating facts and teasing panther eyes before finally reaching The Beast.  Which was getting jiggy with a distinctly unimpressed female.

‘What’s he doing, Mummy?’

‘Erm..wrestling’

‘He’s holding her down til she submits?’

‘Yes son.  Something like that.  They call it 50 Shades of Exmoor’

‘Oh.  *ponders* Can we get an ice–cream?’

To be fair, there wasn’t much else to do on a showery Tuesday morning so they were just being resourceful.  Once upon a time, I’d have done the same. Pre-kids of course.  Now I’m either too tired or watching the Gabby’s Olympic round-up….

***

In the spirit of the over-sized guinea pigs Littlest took the opportunity to pee everywhere.  She has been potty-trained since January and very rarely has an accident.  Except the week we were away, staying in friends’ houses and with limited supplies of clothing.  Luckily our friends have been there, done that and have a stash of dettol to prove it, but it is embarrassing all the same.  And typical of the feisty little madam as now we are home, not one free-range wee has been forthcoming.  Grrrr.

Tomorrow I plan to take the older two to the Science Museum.  With continued reports of a deserted London, I figured this was the best time to come up, be cultural, hit Mr Wu for lunch and remember why I moved to the country. So I have coerced BFF & son to join me and hopefully we will have a lovely trip free of randy animals and urinating toddlers.  Hopefully; although I don’t trust those city pigeons one little bit…..