Eau de Toilette

If I drop anything else down the toilet I shall scream.  My life is literally going down the pan.  Last week whilst attending to nature, I happened to be wearing a belted cardigan.  Gravity took hold of the unfastened, dangly belt and with Newton smirking up in heaven, sure enough the ends were in the pan.  Yesterday I was at work and I heard a small splish as I grabbed for a paper towel. One furtive glance down the bowl confirmed that a pendant from my bracelet had pinged off and ended in the loo.  Now, the item in question is made of a plastic and tin, an inexpensive bracelet bought for me by my former colleague and friend who shares the same sense of kitsch humour as me.  So, with this is mind, you might think I could just flush the trinket away and cut my losses. However, what had flown to its very own loo baptism was Jesus on the cross.  I could not bring myself to flush Our Lord away; it seemed immoral…blasphemous even.  So, although the last thing you want to do in a public toilet is have to stick your hand down it, I did it for Jesus.  Hallelujah!  (St Peter – I hope you’re writing this one down in the book of deeds).

And now, this very morning, as I was endeavouring to make myself look semi-human my mascara wand flew from my hand and ended up……yup, down the loo.  Bobbing away like a little silver buoy whilst I just stared.  And yes, I had only done one eye.

I fear for what is next.  These unfortunate items are just the recent ones – I’m always bloody doing it;  face cream lids, my toothbrush, hair grips, whole loo rolls and I have oft rescued my iPhone from my back pocket just in the nick of time.  I might have to start carrying a few disposable gloves about my person, just in case.