In every house there lurks a den of iniquity. A place so frightening, many never venture in; where angels fear to tread and only the brave come out unscathed.
That place is the cupboard under the stairs.
Used to house coats, boots, spare loo rolls, young wizards and boxes of ‘stuff’ that have no other place to go; it is a refuge for the abandoned and a place of secrets and mystery. It is fertile land, for in it things multiply at an uneasy rate. One jacket becomes four and bags for life double in number overnight. Fiercely protected by the kamikaze ironing board that falls out onto those brave enough to reach inside, all manner of items pay homage to the tall, upright god of understairs darkness. This god is the only thing that commands its own space and the freedom to come and go with ease. All hail the deity known as the Dyson.
There are times when battle commences and the cupboard is emptied, rearranged and left in a state of tidiness and order. It doesn’t last long. Somehow, within two weeks, floorspace has disappeared and mittens have become separated from their partners forever.
For my children it retains a Narnia-like quality. In a modern house, lacking chimneys and rooftop access, it is the place from which St. Nicholas emerges to fill their stockings and sate his endless longing for beer and mince pies. Perhaps it is true? Somewhere, beneath the piles of coats and scarves there may be a secret door to a snowy land where elves toil happily and fortune favours the brave. Well, those brave enough to fight past the precariously piled plastic tubs of things to eBay…someday….when I’ve got the time.
One glorious day I shall conquer it with shelving and hooks and the self-control not to just fling things in during frantic tidy-ups for unexpected guests. But for now it remains my nemesis and my shame.
Excellent post – I could relate to this really well – and you are so right – why does the ironing board ALWAYS fall out when you open the door? And why are there so many bags for life stuffed inside bags for life? When I was a kid I used to love the cupboard under the stairs – its where my xmas pressies were stashed!
So true! Lord Lucan, the missing Florida ballots and anything that fell foul of the Bermuda Triangle can probably be found in mine…
Lol!
Oh I have laughed and laughed about this tale of ‘the cupboard’ How did you ‘know’ about my cupboard!?!Im still smirking as I type!
So glad it’s not just me! Just been shopping. Forgot bags for life so the cupboard now has 4 more to devour…..
If it helps? I’ve got coathooks and they make getting into the cupboard a nightmare because I can’t see anything which means that the ironing board lands on my head everytime I reach for the torch to see anything! This is a completely and utterly genius post!
Popping over from Britmums Best Post Of The Week
Glad you popped over! We also have the dog food in ours which makes for an interesting aroma…..
[...] One final emergent tradition is the buying of Christmas crackers and then discovering the pack I bought last year in the sales. You may call me Scrooge, I call it frugal. Well, it would be if I remembered I did it and stopped buying more. Same for wrapping paper and tags. Home I come, buoyant from my bargainous 3 for 2 offer and then I find 6 rolls of the stuff secreted in….you guessed it…the back of the cupboard under the stairs. Or Narnia as I call it. But that was another post… [...]